sugar freedom: day 21

(click here for the first post in my sugar freedom story, or here for the entire series)
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May 19, Saturday

[from my post on MOMYS]

I started my day with straight "muesli" with greek yogurt, no coffee, and certainly none of the cream-filled, chocolate-iced donuts that my Farmer brought home from work!!!!  No fruit juice, even - and we only serve juice with weekend breakfasts, so it feels like giving up a treat.  

I think I'm feeling clearer already, though.  It was so hard yesterday to eat well.  Um, actually, I guess I didn't eat well.  It was hard to even WANT to eat well, and by the end of the day I was just done with it, feeling all "done to" (low beta-endorphins) and martyr-like that I couldn't have sugar, etc.  When the children went to bed, I ate a small serving of ricotta WITH MAPLE CREAM.  Oh, man, was that good.  (I was hoping it would taste too sweet, but it was actually incredibly delicious).  But I woke up this morning furious with the world ... okay, I don't know really if that was the sugar or the fact that my son was in his crib partying at TOP VOLUME at 5 a.m. on the one morning I get to sleep in a little (i.e. set the alarm for 6:50 instead of 5:30).

I am determined to have a better day today, and somewhat humiliated that it has so much to do with whether or not I eat sugar.  And frankly, I feel angry about it, too.  "Why can't I just eat like other people?"  "Why does my husband have to bring home donuts when he KNOWS I'm a crab when I eat sugar?!"  "Why do they have to all eat them in front of me, exclaiming about how GOOD they are?!  How can he bring this poison into our home and feed it to our children?!"

Dreadful, aren't I?  It just goes to show, I think, the addictive nature of sugar for some of us.  I am going to CHOOSE (do you hear me, brain?!!) to dwell today on how much better I feel when there is no sugar in my system.

(eta:  as if yesterday weren't hard enough, today I was at a bridal tea party that was all refined flour and half pure sugar.  I didn't even look at the dessert table (to keep myself from sampling them all!!) and am hoping that I'm not sensitive to white flour.  Fortunately it started off with a green salad ... !)

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(click here for the next post in the series, here for the first post in my sugar freedom story, or here for the entire series)