Pollyanna fail

[a resurrected post from the archives of my sugar freedom days]

I could have called this sugar freedom:  day 33 in the style of the previous pro-sugar-free posts, but frankly I'm getting as tired of the titles as I am of the hype.

Don't get me wrong, I am still convinced that going without sugar is good for me.  But.  It.  Is.  H.A.R.D.

There's no magic to it, like I kind of hoped.  No "happily ever after" like I expected.  I like a neat plot, a good story, and so far I haven't ridden off into the sunset, away from the chocolate, with my one true love and a potato.

It's true that my allergy symptoms went away almost immediately.  It's true that I no longer feel that crashing fatigue mid-morning and again early-afternoon.  It's true that my mind is clearer and my emotions have leveled out (somewhat - we are talking about me, after all).  It's even true that I know of at least two people who have been inspired by my experience to begin to cut out sugar themselves.

But the Pollyanna in me is wearing thin (hmmm ... maybe the lack of sugar is starving her!!).  I am still choosing to see the daily miracles, no matter how minute.  But, somehow ...

Doggone it.  I've done it again.

Instead of leaning on the Everlasting Arms, I've gone and pressed hard into something else again.  Something fallible, something weak, something human.  In a word, me.  I've been depending on myself again.  Counting on my resolve to solve all my problems, instead of casting my cares on Him who cares for me.

When will I learn?

"May God Himself [not me, not Kathleen DesMaisons], the God of Peace [not of striving], sanctify me through and through.  May my whole spirit, soul, and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.  The One who calls me is faithful, and He [not I] will do it."   

I Thessalonians 5:23-24

"Bring on the sanctification, and make it snappy" has been my approach.  Not working, can you tell?  God will refine when He is ready to refine.  My job is to wait on Him, trust Him, praise Him anyway.

"Be still, and know that I am God."  Psalm 46:10

"Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."  Isaiah 40:30,31

on the level

I'm going to level with you.

This sugar freedom thing ... I can't do it.

I hope you don't feel that I've strung you along.  It's been over a month (36 days, 25 posts) of education for me.  I've benefited greatly, and I hope you have, too.  I've learned a lot about biochemistry and I've learned a lot about how my body responds to sugar.

I've also learned a lot about my limitations.

Be it a lack of follow-through, a lack of discipline, a lack of character ... I just don't have it in me to do it at this pace (which, actually, is kind of what Kathleen DesMaisons has been saying all along ....  Supposedly the "sugar-sensitive" biochemistry comes with a sort of all-or-nothing personality; we tend to jump right into things, give 150%, and expect results within 48 hours.  So 36 days, really, is a kind of accomplishment.).

Don't worry, I'm not going to go have a big bowl of ice cream after I hit "publish" (although that does sound good).  I've learned enough science and enough "me" to know that that would not feel as good as I think.  I'm still going to aim for higher protein than what I used to get.  Breakfast within an hour of getting up.  Noticing how I feel and how it relates to what I've eaten.  Shoot, I'll still probably have the potato (or apple, or toast) three hours after supper.

But I think I've learned that this journey does not make for very exciting play-by-play.  It's not a 3-hour game.  It's not even a marathon.  It's more like ... mothering, or watching a flower unfurl.  It goes slowly, by baby steps.  Week by week, day by day, choice by choice.  So, no more "sugar freedom" blog series.

Instead, I'll give you ordinary:

Tonight on the hammock, I whistled through my thumbs with a blade of grass for a reed, and my daughters finally caught on to the trick.  We looked at the elderberry blossoms.  Lil' Snip brought me a corncob, proud.  He found mushrooms:  "Have some!"  (I told him no!)  We turned cartwheels on the grass in a sudden shower.  Back inside, they colored.  Tumbled on the sofa and read books about cats and nature crafts and birds.  My Farmer wrestled with an old doorknob somehow stuck on "locked."  We sang and read and prayed and tucked them all in bed.

Life goes on, despite my success (or lack thereof) at sugar freedom.

What's new in your life?

"but, I'm no addict!!"

[from Kathleen DesMaison's book, The Sugar Addict's Total Recovery Program]:

Here are the criteria the American Psychiatric Association uses to determine addiction:

~  The substance is taken in greater amounts or for a longer time than intended.

(Have you ever planned to have just a cookie and eaten the whole plate?)

~  There is a persistent desire or one or more unsuccessful attempts to cut down or control use.

(Does that question make you laugh because it seems so absurd?  One or more unsuccessful attempts seem sort of funny to sugar addicts.)

~  Major time is spent in seeking, using, or recovering from the effects of use.

(Do you make sure you always have a can of Coke - or your special sugar-laced coffee - on your desk?  Do you feel an inordinate sense of relief when your family is gone so you can eat what you want?)

~  Frequent intoxication or withdrawal interferes with responsibilities.

(At first blush, you may think that your sugar use does not affect your life.  But are your bills paid on time?  Is your desk cleared off?  Are you too tired to function at three in the afternoon?  Look at your behavior with a different eye and you may be shocked at how true this is.)

~  There is a decreased level of social, recreational activities due to use.

(Do you prefer to be alone so you can eat what you want, when?  Do you shy away from those friends who have given up sweet things?)

~  There is continued use despite adverse consequences.

(You know it's bad for you, you know it's killing you, you are in despair, and you go back for more.  Hits kinda close to home, yes?)

~  There is a marked increase in tolerance.

(One small cookie won't cut it anymore.  You have to eat three, eight, a dozen, the whole box.)

~  There are withdrawal symptoms.

(You may not have made the connection to withdrawal per se.  You may simply know intuitively that you feel better if you have a cup of tea and a piece of cake.)

~  There is use to prevent withdrawal.

(You know you are cranky and will feel better if you have something sweet.  You take a sugar break at 3 pm because you know if you don't you will be a basket case by 3:30.)


Hmmmm ..... some of those sound familiar.  Maybe I am an addict ... 




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sugar freedom: day 26

(click here for the first post in my sugar freedom story, or here for the entire series)
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May 24, Thursday 

[from my post on MOMYS]

I am feeling discouraged.  My lifestyle already included pretty much all of the first five steps.  So all I had to do (thought I) was to get breakfast in a little sooner, be more aware of my blood sugar/serotonin/beta-endorphin symptoms, increase my protein, add the potato, and cut out sugar.  Breakfast has been fairly easy.  Knowing more about the mental/emotional/physical symptoms has been hugely enlightening.  The potato (or apple or toast) has not been hard to add.  Increasing the protein is not difficult, just expensive (for "easy-to-count" animal proteins). 

So I guess I thought that once I cut sugar out (as of May 6), got past days 4 & 5, I'd be home free!  And I was .... for a couple of weeks.  Is it a 5-day detox every time I eat a few grams of sugar (that cornbread breakfast....)?

This is starting to feel more like labor than liberty.

But the good days .... the focus, the energy, the feeling of hopeful creative possibility .... it lures me on.  I can do this.  No, scratch that.  You and I both know better (remember the ice cream?!):  I can't do this, but God  can do this in me.

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sugar freedom: day 25

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May 23, Wednesday

[from my post on MOMYS]

So, the all-or-nothing in me is "nothing" right now.  In the back and forth of things, I am definitely in the back rather than the forth.

The food journal has fallen by the wayside.  So has my husband's participation.

Frankly, I am furious.  (am I allowed to say that?  am I allowed to be that?!)  I thought I was done with sugar.  Healed.  I felt soooo great with it out of my system, I was telling everyone I met how wonderful it is to live without sugar.  FREEEEEEEEEEEE!!

Ha.

I feel like a hypocrite.  I feel like a fool.  I feel like a failure.  (Yes, I know there's a lot of "feel" in there.  Trying to keep fact somewhere in sight.)

So.  I am remembering that [another mom] said there is a lot of back and forth mentally in the beginning.  I served the children dessert for supper (frozen birthday cake from a couple weeks ago) and my husband had some too.  I refrained, mad and martyred.  Was that beneficial?  Hmmm, probably not.

[Another mom] said "when I was thinking like you are now, I would remind myself that I was technically still on step one, and just eat what I wanted until I felt like I could move forward again" ....  So, what does that look like?  Do you just go ahead and have the cake and ice cream, knowing that it would make you feel bad (low energy, low mood, cravings), or do you hold strong (somehow with a good attitude)?  I feel like if I ever eat sugar again I am going to start a mudslide that will be out of my control and put me in a pit so deep I'll never climb out.

(low serotonin / beta-endorphin levels much?!!)

Argh.  Joyce Meyer (of Battlefield of the Mind fame) would just have a field day with me I'm sure.

I wonder how it goes for other sugarfree-ers - anyone care to volunteer your attempts at breaking the addiction?  Are you even-steven all the time?  How long did it take you to get there?!  Staying completely away from sugar?  Or giving in sometimes and paying for it but then getting back on track?  Or giving in and giving up?

It's easy to share the victory stories. Not so fun the frustrations. Thanks for listening......-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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sugar freedom: day 23

(click here for the first post in my sugar freedom story, or here for the entire series)

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May 21, Monday

[from my post on MOMYS]

So the cornbread I had for breakfast on Friday, led, perhaps, to the maple cream I had on Saturday, which led to the ice cream I had on Sunday ..... Sugar appears to be a slippery slope indeed.  I must proceed with greater caution - and humility!!

Today is going well so far.  Our new breakfast of muesli (oats, raisins, coconut, slivered almonds, flaxmeal with milk) seems to start me off well!  The "tons of energy" may even have hit.  I kind of gauge my energy by how I feel going up our one (very steep) flight of steps.  This morning I was bounding up them, which is top energy (and highly unusual) for me!  Plus ... time seems to be slowing down.  I don't know if it's better focus and energy leading to more efficiency and productivity, but I look at the clock now and think, 'wow, we still have a lot of morning/afternoon/evening left!' instead of thinking, 'wow, it's lunchtime already and we still haven't _____!!'

Nice. I'll take it!

p.s.  [flashback] Yesterday after church (pre- ice cream-indulgence) we had a fellowship meal, which I usually dread (the setting, not the actual fellowship):  too much noise, too many people, too much to do with feeding children, to hard to carry on conversations, and yes - feeling left out, rejected, secluded, etc.  It was a youth group fund-raiser (they served a potato bar) which I had forgotten about.  

Normally I abhor last minute schedule changes, but today it felt like no big deal to suddenly decide to stay.  I enjoyed the fellowship time, despite the usual amount of noise and some occasional social awkwardness.  I'm guessing I have this plan to thank.  (and God's grace to stay on this plan as much as I have!!)

Let's hear it for sugar freedom!!

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sugar freedom: day 21

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May 19, Saturday

[from my post on MOMYS]

I started my day with straight "muesli" with greek yogurt, no coffee, and certainly none of the cream-filled, chocolate-iced donuts that my Farmer brought home from work!!!!  No fruit juice, even - and we only serve juice with weekend breakfasts, so it feels like giving up a treat.  

I think I'm feeling clearer already, though.  It was so hard yesterday to eat well.  Um, actually, I guess I didn't eat well.  It was hard to even WANT to eat well, and by the end of the day I was just done with it, feeling all "done to" (low beta-endorphins) and martyr-like that I couldn't have sugar, etc.  When the children went to bed, I ate a small serving of ricotta WITH MAPLE CREAM.  Oh, man, was that good.  (I was hoping it would taste too sweet, but it was actually incredibly delicious).  But I woke up this morning furious with the world ... okay, I don't know really if that was the sugar or the fact that my son was in his crib partying at TOP VOLUME at 5 a.m. on the one morning I get to sleep in a little (i.e. set the alarm for 6:50 instead of 5:30).

I am determined to have a better day today, and somewhat humiliated that it has so much to do with whether or not I eat sugar.  And frankly, I feel angry about it, too.  "Why can't I just eat like other people?"  "Why does my husband have to bring home donuts when he KNOWS I'm a crab when I eat sugar?!"  "Why do they have to all eat them in front of me, exclaiming about how GOOD they are?!  How can he bring this poison into our home and feed it to our children?!"

Dreadful, aren't I?  It just goes to show, I think, the addictive nature of sugar for some of us.  I am going to CHOOSE (do you hear me, brain?!!) to dwell today on how much better I feel when there is no sugar in my system.

(eta:  as if yesterday weren't hard enough, today I was at a bridal tea party that was all refined flour and half pure sugar.  I didn't even look at the dessert table (to keep myself from sampling them all!!) and am hoping that I'm not sensitive to white flour.  Fortunately it started off with a green salad ... !)

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sugar freedom: day 20

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May 18, Friday

[from my post on MOMYS]

Um ... so for breakfast this morning I had cornbread, greek yogurt, milk & blueberries.  This is not a low-sugar cornbread recipe, yet, so now I am having trouble with heavy eyes and some sweet cravings.

Not sure what to do......was it mentioned in the book?  Do I just ride it out until it's over or is there something to do to make that feeling go away?!  Drink water?  Eat protein?  Lie down and close my eyes?  Eat a nice fat chunk of the halva hidden in the back of the fridge?!  (heehee, just kidding)

Argh. Guess this was good for me, in a way. I think my zeal was starting to wane..... (wry grin)

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sugar freedom: day 17

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May 15, Tuesday

[from my post on MOMYS]

[another mom wrote]:  "I think it's just all my life I've felt entitled to have sweets, and my thinking is just changing now, slowly."

YES - that!  I think one reason why it hasn't been all that hard to give up sugar is the mental switch:  I used to think of sugar as a "treat" or a sort of reward for all my hard work, so I associated it with pleasure and approval.  Now that I'm keeping a food journal (and yes, Sugar: The Bitter Truth played a big part in the mental switch, too), I'm beginning to associate sugar with pain (anxiety, insecurity, feelings of aloneness, sleepiness, fatigue) and instead of longing for sugar, I am longing for life!  And thanks to Potatoes, Not Prozac, I know to go to protein foods and complex carbs to keep myself even and lively.

But when, I have to ask, does the 'tons of energy' start?  I'm sooo thrilled for my allergy symptoms to have all but disappeared, and do NOT miss the anxiety or the low-blood-sugar-sleepiness that I had all the time without realizing what it was.  But I am still balking at the sight of the elliptical, and spending a lot of time doing sit-down work.  Not motivated to go weed flowerbeds or anything.

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sugar freedom: day 16

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May 14, Monday

[from my post on MOMYS]

It's encouraging to hear about [other sugarfree moms'] energy, and sweets not sounding good.  I've had that thought a few times now, too, and it is just wonderfully refreshing!

We had the grandparents over for Lil' Snip's 2nd birthday last night.  I had made a chocolate cake with PB icing (my fav, of course) and although the icing smelled fabulous, I wasn't actually craving it.  I had a few bites of cake and ice cream with the family but everyone else was so busy enjoying their own that they didn't notice that I didn't have my own plate.  Since then, I have thought about the leftover icing (sitting in the fridge) a few times, but no real cravings and no anxiety or other yuckies.  I am pleased!

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sugar freedom: day 13

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May 11, Friday

[from my post on MOMYS]

I just woke up with sore muscles yesterday; not sure what that's about.  It was just my front thigh muscles that were sore, but boy did they hurt!

Umm .... is anyone else experiencing, er ... slowed elimination?  Or other negative physical side effects?  (or maybe I am the only one not in complete bliss over giving up sugar ....)

I am still on board!  The benefits outweigh by FAR the difficulties.  Just wondering if I'm the only one having some problems ... and how to deal with them.  Anyone?

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sugar freedom: day 12

We now return to our regularly scheduled programming (i.e. my sugar freedom journal).  Hope you enjoyed the brief educational/confessional interlude!

(click here for the first post in my sugar freedom story, or here for the entire series)

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May 10, Thursday 

[from my post on MOMYS]

My food journal isn't showing me anything other than that potato and the eggs.  I don't have strong feelings of attachment to either food but the revulsion I was feeling is my biggest clue.  Last night I had half an apple before bed (instead of the potato) and still slept crappy, but felt better today.  No egg for breakfast, either, but whole wheat bread with cream cheese and apple butter (no sugar in either), a handful of almonds, half a banana with (no sugar) peanut butter, and my mug of decaf with cream.

Felt great this morning. AND .... (drumroll) .... our moms' group met for the last time this school year for a brunch, and even though the table was absolutely loaded with yummy desserts, honestly none of them tempted me.  At all!!!!  I felt sooo free!!  

I had thought, ahead of time, that I might go ahead and have one serving of dessert just to sort of test what the sugar would do to me, and how I would handle that emotionally.  But once I was there, I just wasn't hungry for any of the sweet things!  And even for the sake of experimentation, nothing looked worth the trouble - and the table included chocolate cookies, cheesecake, danish, lemon bars, some gooey-looking cake, sweet rolls (a friend's recipe which I had very much enjoyed in the past), coffee cake, on and on and on!  It just didn't look appealing.

If that blows your mind, let me tell you that it sure blew mine.

So I ate egg casserole, whole grain tortilla chips (0g sugar), and a black bean & bell pepper salad dressed with balsamic vinegar (which I didn't know till I tasted it - waaaaay too sweet!).

I can hardly believe that my body has actually been changed so dramatically in so short a time (week and a half).

So - no, after all that, there's no way I'm dropping the ball on this.  But.  That nightly potato is going to be occasional, with an apple or toast most nights.  I'll try to be more prompt about its consumption, and I'll be using morning eggs more sporadically too.

I'm also curious about protein - is anyone minoring in the animal products and majoring in the grain/dairy/bean category?  I think I'd like to swing in that direction, partly for budgetary concerns, and partly just because that's how I'm more used to eating.

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biochemistry lesson

What, you may be asking, is the big deal with sugar anyway?  It's natural, it's from plants for crying out loud: beets, or sugarcane.  It's a food ... right?!  Well, yes .... and no.  Check this out:

from an article entitled "Toxic Foods and Mood:  You Are What You Eat!"

"Foods trigger the production and release of brain chemicals that control your mental and emotional responses.  Sugar exaggerates the production of serotonin, beta-endorphin and dopamine.  The overproduction results in a "high" followed by a crash, which sets up your craving for more sugar.  Your receptors also become less sensitive in order to protect against the overdosing of the 'drug'.  It is why you require more and more (sugar, alcohol, heroin, refined carbohydrates, etc.) just to feel normal.  This results in physical dependence on the drug to pick you up, but your 'habit' now results in depression instead of well-being, and exhaustion and anxiety instead of an energy pick up."

[disclaimer:  I realize the source is not scientific ... but none of the scientific sources I found were terribly intelligible to me.  If you have the brains for it, the science is definitely out there for you!]


And now, a few lists for you, courtesy of Potatoes, Not Prozac by Kathleen DesMaisons, who posits that sugar consumption affects blood sugar, serotonin, and beta-endorphins in the following ways.

So.  Blood sugar, first. Blood sugar is affected by the speed with which our digestive systems process our food (think "glycemic index", on which low is good, and sugar is very, very, high) 

With optimal blood sugar, you'll feel:

           energetic

           tired when appropriate (at the end of long day, after hard exertion, etc.)

           focused

           relaxed

           clear-minded

           good memory

           able to concentrate

           able to solve problems efficiently

           easygoing

           even-tempered

With low blood sugar levels, caused, for instance, by the consumption of sugar, you'll feel:

           tired all the time

           tired for no reason

           restless/can't keep still

           confused

           have trouble remembering and concentrating

           easily frustrated

           more irritable than usual

           get angry unexpectedly

Next, Serotonin (affected by protein/tryptophan, sugar, and anti-depressant medications).

With optimal serotonin levels, you'll feel:

           hopeful, optimistic

           reflective & thoughtful

           able to concentrate

           creative, focused

           able to think things through

           able to seek help

           responsive

           looking forward to dessert a bit

           hungry for healthy foods

With low serotonin levels, caused, for instance, by the consumption of sugar, you'll feel:

           depressed

           impulsive

           short attention span

           mentally blocked, scattered

           flying off the handle

           suicidal, possibly

           reactive

           craving sweets

           craving mostly carbohydrates (bread, pasta, cereal)

Last is beta-endorphins.  They are produced by the pituitary gland during exercise, excitement, pain, eating spicy or sugary food, and tanning (i.e. absorbing infrared rays from the sun).  Other "quality of life" experiences may also cause beta-endorphin production (i.e. stroking a pet, praying, watching a sunset, listening to beautiful music, talking with a good friend, etc.)

With optimal beta-endorphin levels, you'll feel:

           high tolerance for pain

           sensitive & sympathetic

           high self-esteem

           compassionate

           connected and in touch with others

           hopeful, optimistic, euphoric

           taking personal responsibility

           a "take-it or leave-it" attitude toward sweet foods

           solution-oriented

With low beta-endorphin levels, caused, for instance, by the consumption of sugar, you'll feel:

           low pain tolerance

           tearful, reactive

           low self-esteem

           overwhelmed by others' pain

           isolated or rejected

           depressed, hopeless

           feeling "done to" by others (martyr or victim syndrome)

           craving sugar

           emotionally overwhelmed

See yourself in any of those "low" lists?  I sure did.  You may think you don't have a problem with sugar; after all, you could quit if you wanted to, anytime!

Well then, try it.  You have nothing to lose if you're not sensitive to sugar (a week later if there are no changes you can go right back to your stash - I mean former eating habits) and everything to gain if you are sensitive to sugar: clear mind, freedom from cravings, greater physical wellness & creativity, just for starters.

Go ahead.  I dare you!  Begin now to be the person you were created to be!!


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confession

I have been bleating everywhere the wonders of a sugar-free diet.

My friends, I'm sure, are exercising extreme patience when they hear me getting started on The Topic.  The few who read my blog probably delete new posts from their inbox as soon as they see it's on sugar again.  Facebook friends have most likely changed their settings to "hide all by ..." until the word sugar disappears from my vocabulary.

So, given this afternoon's indulgence with my Farmer, a confession is probably in order:


I ate a bowl of ice cream.


Green's Columbian Chip, to be exact.  My very favorite.  The last half of the carton has been lingering in the freezer ever since The Big Switch.

I have been low on sleep lately (thank you, Lil' Snip) and that has always been a sugar trigger for me.  I should have been on the alert.  No, that's not quite true:  I was on the alert.  I took a nap first - an hour or more of hard sleep.  I didn't really "need" the ice cream by the time I woke up.  I wanted it.

And I ate it.

I should tell you that it was too sweet, that I feel terrible now, that that does it, I'm swearing off sugar FOREVER.

Actually, it was good.  And I feel fine.  Sorry, but that's the truth.  I love a good story as much as the next guy, but I love truth even more.

I'm back to sugar freedom again now ... and there will probably be more posts on that adventure ... but in the meantime ... I wanted you to know.

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sugar freedom: day 11

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May 9, Wednesday

[from my post on MOMYS]

I would love to be popping in with another rave review on how sugar is drastically improving my life, but frankly I feel yucky.  My husband, too.  We are wondering if the nightly potato is somehow backfiring on us.  Do we have even more bizarre body chemistry than just sugar-sensitive?  I've had maybe one good night of sleep since starting the potato thing, and while I will say that going without sugar has (I think) made my mind clearer and my emotions (perhaps) more stable, physically I am not impressed right now.

Maybe we've got a touch of a bug or something, but I really don't feel "sick" .... just .... weird.

Ever since starting the potato thing we've both been waking up at least once during the night.  I don't like to check the clock too much because that makes me focus on how long am I awake, etc., but it kind of feels like the same time of night each time.  Often we're having trouble falling asleep (me) or getting back to sleep after waking (him).

And the last day or two we've both dreaded our morning egg (we love eggs!!) and I have started dreading the potato (he likes it).  We've both felt that our appetites were a bit off (feeling full or even nauseated between meals) and yesterday I had a lot of "blacking out" episodes (lean over for something, straighten up and vision goes dark - I tend to have lower blood pressure and this is common for me during, say, a hot weeding session mid-summer, but not otherwise).  Low energy and shakiness/jitteriness complete the picture.

What in the world is going on?!

I will also say that I've finished the book, and felt a little disappointed that I'm already doing most of what she recommends, other than needing a bit more protein, and obviously cutting out the sugars.  We don't eat white flour, as a general rule, although of course it was there in cookies/cakes some.

So, I gave up sugar, I've increased my protein, I'm eating three square meals a day and when I snack I make sure there's protein involved, I'm taking the vitamins (although I need to get a C with a higher dose), having the nightly potato ....... What am I missing/doing wrong?!  I thought by now I should be feeling on top of the world.  The cravings are gone (I don't really even want the one square of dark chocolate daily we'd kept up with), so that's good.  But ... ?!

Is the timing terribly crucial for the protein breakfast and the potato?  I think breakfast has often ended up being ready an hour and 15 minutes after we get up, and the potato has sometimes been three and a half hours after supper......

I need some insight before I dump the whole thing!!

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sugar freedom: day 10

(click here for the first post in my sugar freedom story)

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May 8, Tuesday

[from my post on MOMYS]

I just read in Potatoes, Not Prozac regarding the nightly potato:  "Does it have to be a potato?  No, it can be any complex carbohydrate eaten without protein, like an apple, oatmeal (without milk or yogurt), a piece of toast or even orange juice. . .  But remember the slower the carbohydrate, the more effective the result."

She goes on to say that the potato gives the greatest sense of satiety as well as some emotional comfort, and that she'll address this more later, so I'm assuming there's more to come on why she recommends the potato.

I found this interesting and a relief because cooking a potato (I'm not a fan of them cold and we don't do microwaves in our house) every night for the rest of my life (or even for the next few months!) is not appealing to me, as much as I love potatoes.  Also, it feels like a lot to eat right before bed, when I'm often not too hungry.  Frankly, I haven't noticed much difference with the potato, and am ready to try an apple or piece of (whole wheat) toast.

(p.s. I found it sooooo interesting to read her comments about "addictive personalities" loving to experiment with things, take their own custom blend of vitamins and supplements .... hmmm - that's me to a "T"!!)

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sugar freedom: day eight

May 6, Sunday
[from my post on MOMYS]

In an effort to go sugarfree for breakfast, we had our trial "raw granola" (the term "muesli" is not going over too well at our house) this morning.  My Farmer and I enjoyed it - you're really aware that you're getting your fiber, that's for sure!  A lot was going on at breakfast (toddler issues) so I don't recall what the children had to say about it.  Oh, wait, Nice was gobbling it up dry and loving it.  That sounds like a "go" to me!!

What was in it?  About 2 cups oats, 1/2 cup raisins, 1/4 cup almond meal (today I bought slivered almonds for next time), 1/2 cup coconut, some cinnamon, cardamom and allspice.  Cover with milk.  . . .  I'm guessing that with yogurt, cold milk and possibly some fresh/frozen fruit, this will be a winner.  And complete protein, yes? (grain + dairy).
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open letter to sugar

Dear unfinished bag of Dove dark chocolate morsels, 
hidden in a little-used cabinet in my kitchen,


If you are feeling neglected, it is because I have forgotten about you.  

I would apologize, but I'm not really sorry.  I know we have had some good times together.  I used to count on you to give me a quick spurt of energy, and I'd come to you for reward or comfort when life was difficult.  I didn't think I could ever live without you.

But you know what?  I have been paying more attention to you lately, and I have found you out for the liar and cheat that you are.  You do give a little energy/comfort/reward ... at first ... but in the end you steal more than you give.

You stole my energy.  You stole my clarity of thought.  You stole my contentment.  You taste good but you are just not worth it.

Once I found you out for who you really are, I just lost my taste for you.  I've found some new foods (namely, protein & complex carbohydrates) that are treating me better than you ever did.

And I think I've found myself again.  

So, good-bye, Dove dark chocolate morsels.  Thanks for nothing.  I'm moving on.

Free at Last,

a recovering sugar junkie


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sugar freedom: day seven

(click here for the first post in my sugar freedom story)

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May 5, Saturday

[from my post on MOMYS]

[another mother wrote]:  "Did you know that sugar changes the acidity in your stomach, so that you don't absorb the nutrients you're getting nearly as well?  That's why it has such a bad effect on allergies and immunity."

That is yet another clue in the puzzle of my health (or lack thereof).  Despite getting ample iron in my diet, I still take an iron supplement.  The chiropractor/nutritionist I saw for a few months last year said I am having trouble absorbing iron for some reason.  He couldn't figure out why, though, and wanted me to cut out all dairy, sugar, honey, garlic, onion, pepper, and wheat.  Naturally I balked.  That's way too many things for a busy mom on a tight budget to cut out all at once!

But if sugar is the culprit, I bet I'm going to see a lot of changes, from allergies to energy to RLS (restless legs syndrome) - all of which are affected by iron levels and immune function.

I'm excited!

So grateful to be on the road to recovery. (ahhhh ... maybe that's why they call it "Radiant Recovery" ... !)

[later that day...]

My understanding from the "Sugar: the Bitter Truth" (on youtube) is that chronic exposure to sugars is the biggie and unless you're sugar-sensitive (see www.radiantrecovery.com), the occasional sweet treat is not a death sentence.

So while my Farmer and I learn to get along without sugar (mostly), we are still letting the children have the candy that somehow comes to them (grandma?!), and I plan to bake cake for their birthdays.  I will probably even have a piece, myself (although I will be recording what it does to me in my food journal, and maybe that will be the last piece of cake I eat for awhile!!).

This going without sugar ... it kind of feels like waking up to myself again.

I like it.

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sugar freedom: day six

(click here for the first post in my sugar freedom story)

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May 4, Friday

[from my post on MOMYS]

Oh. My. Word!!

I stepped on the scale this morning, very curious.  I've been avoiding (but not yet eliminating) sugar all week, but have somehow fallen off exercising.  It had been my habit to spend 20-30 minutes on the elliptical in 10-min. spurts throughout the day, and I was really noticing that when I got my exercise in, the weight was coming off (slooooooowly) and when I didn't, it didn't (and sometimes went back up!!).  No surprise there, but this week I was soooo curious to see what effect avoiding sugar would have, and here I was going to see its effect all by itself, without exercise figuring in at all.

I lost 2-3 lbs (dial scale, so never exactly sure where that needle is pointing).  After five days of avoiding sugar!!!!

(can you tell I'm excited?)

But also, that's kind of scary, that I was normally having to burn off 2-3 lbs worth of sugar consumption in a 5-day period.  No wonder it wore my body down.

And the funny thing is, I would have considered our family as using a low-sugar diet.  We never drink soda.  We drink water at meals, sometimes milk for lunch, and on the weekends I serve juice with breakfast.  We don't have dessert on a regular basis, we eat processed foods maybe once a week.  And, I'm not avoiding non-"sweet" foods that happen to have sugar hidden in them (bread, ketchup, peanut butter).

Actually, wait.  Strike that.  As I was noticing the effects of sugar (thank you, food journal) on how I felt (physically, mentally and emotionally), I did start to read labels some, and am working on boycotting peanut butter (switched to a just-the-nuts type) and spaghetti sauce (made my own using plain tomato puree for a base).  Also giving away or tossing out some of my favorite Japanese cooking supplies after discovering that they are mostly high fructose corn syrup and/or salt.

(I'm also..... still having a small square of dark chocolate with my eggs-n-toast breakfast)

So, where exactly did I avoid sugar?!  And 2-3 lbs worth of it?!!!

I used to have 1-2 cups of coffee in the morning, with about 1/2 tsp of sugar in each cup.
I used to eat granola for breakfast every morning - homemade, but not sugarfree!
I used to eat up to the equivalent of a half bar of chocolate throughout the day.  (*blush*)

That doesn't look like a ton of sugar to me, but I'm probably missing some somewhere.

Anyway, sorry to write a book on it, but I was astonished to have lost weight without exercising, half-cheating on eating sugarless.  Plus, I'm feeling better (clearer thinking, allergies are milder, more motivation) to boot.

I think I could get used to this.

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