.... I ate simple meals, whatever I was hungry for, at sometimes random hours. Or elaborate meals, that had no deadline, start or finish.
.... I hopped on my bike on a whim and ride along the ocean road, watching Japanese grandmas collecting seaweed.
.... I cleaned when I noticed dirt - which wasn't often. Clutter was a single stack of papers on my desk.
.... I ran errands when I needed something, without planning or forethought.
.... I slept in on the weekends.
.... I planned a garden in January, and then in the spring I planted it. I enjoyed taking care of my garden and took pride in its appearance.
.... I taught myself to can meat in my spare time.
.... I read for pleasure, not escape. I stayed up late to finish a good book.
.... I envisioned my future offspring cheerfully following me as I did my work, enriching the experience for us both.
.... I had houseplants, knew their Latin names and their peculiarities of care.
.... I basked in solitude on a regular basis.
I enjoyed my Past, but casually, not cherishing the Present that I had. People (usually much older than I) tell me that when those days come again in the Future, I won't enjoy them as much as I anticipate doing, the second time around, - instead I'll be missing my children, even their mess and their noise - a different Past.
The Past and the Future beckon with such a deceptive glow. The Present chafes; I am so unlike the person I had hoped I'd turn out to be.
