masquerading as opportunity

My Farmer and I decided last night to opt out of an "opportunity" for our children.

I know, I know, what indifferent parents that makes us!!  Children need opportunities; we shouldn't let them miss out on an opportunity to visit the elderly / sing with a choir / help out with a church project / make new friends / etc., etc., !!!

[insert guilt]


Actually, we see it as a positive move.

We've seen how opportunity-ridden our immediate cultural circle is, and how the opportunities, despite being perfectly good ones in and of themselves, quickly pile up like so many annoying battery-operated toys.  For our family, more opportunity has not been better than less.  In our experience, more opportunity often equals ill-rested, bickering, ungrateful, restless children who don't get enough "normal" to remember how "normal" feels.

We are opting instead for the opportunity to give our children the gift of free time.  That's right, time when they get to decide how to fill the luscious minutes:

They might play outside (yes, even in the cold!), working on their elaborate (and sometimes slightly disgusting) recipes for their "cat hotel", riding bikes, jumping on the trampoline, or just poking around, seeing what's coming up looking for spring.

They might play inside, creating a cozy space in a little-used closet.

They might rummage through their crafts supplies, bored, until something sparks their interest and they begin to create.

They might play with their little brother, building block towers for him knock down, reading stories to him (well, pieces of them, as he rapidly turns the pages), or setting up sofa cushion forts for him to hide in.

They might read.

They might write stories several pages long, complete with illustrations.

They might write letters to friends.

They might get out puzzles or play games with each other.

They might ask to cook something.  (And I, on a good day, might let them!)

They might offer to clean (it has happened, to my great astonishment and joy!!)

: : :

It's hard to be a radical:  I started this post feeling a tad defensive about our choice to say "no."  But writing this has reminded me that although our children might not have flashy resumes, they are discovering inner resources of creativity and I will always be happy that we gave them the chance to do it.

We can do hard things!

And so, believe it or not, can our children.

Peanut Butter Cheerio Squares

You know why I like these bars?  Because to me, they taste like all the goodness of childhood (that's the Cheerios, peanut butter & honey) sweetened by nostalgia (that's the chocolate topping, an adult addition).  I don't know why you'll like them, but I'm pretty sure you will, judging from the reaction they got this week at our moms' group.  Think of them as a rice krispie bar with a makeover .....

Peanut Butter Cheerio Squares


Bring to a boil and then remove from heat:
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup honey
1/2 cup dark table syrup

Meanwhile, measure into a large bowl:
1 cup peanuts
6 cups Cheerios

After the honey mixture has boiled, add, stirring well:
1 1/2 cup peanut butter

Pour over the cereal and nuts, stirring until evenly moistened.  Press mixture into 9x13" pan.


Melt over low heat and spread over squares:
2 cups chocolate chips
1 cup peanut butter chips

When the chocolate has solidified, cut into squares.  This, I have found, takes a lot of hand/finger strength.  Be patient, and sample as necessary.  Don't worry if your lines aren't straight - the bars will still taste good, and your friends will appreciate the proof that you are human.  Store at room temperature.

"...the moon sees me"

The moon outside the window rises round and white, so bright it throws shadows on the ground beneath the pecan tree.

An hour just passed. And in that hour, ordinary enough, a little boy bounced on a trampoline. Two little heads pored over a book and a magazine. A daddy paged through a tool catalog. A mommy smiled at her children over the top of her novel. A little girl catered to her brother's wishes, spreading blankets over sofa cushions for him to tiptoe over.

My Farmer read a tiny board book to Lil' Snip. Sugar showed us children's artwork from her magazine (while being tickled by Lil' Snip, who is always learning something new & useful), and read us horse poems, and the good jokes. (“Knock-knock. Who's there? Cash. Cash who? No thanks, I prefer peanuts.”).  Nice tried to distract Lil' Snip off of the trampoline (so she could use it) by teaching him how to open drawers in the filing cabinet.  Spice read aloud from her book of stories, dramatically, to anyone who would listen. Lil' Snip sat up straight beside her on the cushionless chair. 

On the elliptical, I laid aside my novel to listen to Spice's story, and gave Lil' Snip a ride till my arms begged for mercy. He's heaviest after supper.

Then we all kissed Lil' Snip good-night and my Farmer tucked him in. Coloring books and crayons came out till second bedtime was announced.  We sang and read and thanked God for the good, and now they're all tucked under their covers, tissues close by for the sniffly ones.

The moon is up in the pecan branches now, high over the house, full.

I'm full, too.

                    I see the moon and the moon sees me,

                    Hiding under the old apple tree.

                    God bless the moon, and God bless me . . .

10 ways to help (a borrowed post)

I'd like to introduce you to Elizabeth Ibrahim-Campbell, an accidental blogger from whom I have learned a lot.  Let's just say that God can use even our deepest griefs for his glory and our holiness.  Thank you, Elizabeth, for sharing your heart with us over the past year, and thank you for sharing this post with me here.

10 Practical ways to help a newly grieving family:

1) Be there.  Seriously, just be present.  Go and sit with the family at their home or at the viewing.  It does not matter if you are best friends or not, you can still be there.

2.)    Don’t be afraid to cry bawl your eyes out. I was in complete shock after Jason died.  It did not feel real, and so it was hard to cry.  Seeing others weep helped it to sink in for me and even provided relief for me.  I believe it is why Jesus tells us to weep with those who weep.  It is a real and tangible comfort.

3.)    Send a card.  I kept every single one of mine, and when I am grieving again I still go back through and read them.  I loved that I received cards from my best friends who were with me 24/7 at first, and from complete strangers all over the world. 

4.)    Send food in disposable containers.  And try not to send very highly perishable items like salads or breads that need to be eaten immediately.  I had a wall of bread as high as my refrigerator that took up all my counter space. Literally.

4 ½.) Don’t force-feed your grieving friend— especially foods that they never liked in the first  place.  (Well, okay, unless that person is a young mom nursing a newborn baby.  Maybe it was a good thing after all. But boy do I ever HATE yellow mustard now or what!!!)

5.)    Call a contact person regarding meals, etc.  Try not to call the family directly about trivial matters, find someone else who can answer your questions.  Offer to be that contact person if they need one.

6.)    Shovel snow, rake leaves, or mow the grass.  Just show up and quietly do what needs to be done.

7.)    Offer to help with practical details before the days of the viewing/funeral.  Does the family’s car need to be washed for the processional? Do their children own appropriate clothing for a funeral?  Could you go shopping for them? Could you offer out-of-town guests a restful place to stay?

8.)    Send flowers unexpectedly in the months to come.  Let the family know you haven’t forgotten.

9.)    Offer to watch children so a grieving parent can slip away for some time alone.

10.)  Pray consistently for God’s outpouring of peace and grace over the whole family.

10 1/2.) Don’t hold me responsible for these ideas.  Maybe other people are comforted by a Great Wall of Bread when they are mourning.  I couldn’t say…

shopping with a purpose

The auction I told you about is now open and will close February 7th!!  

All proceeds go to help families adopt terribly neglected

  children at an orphanage in Katie's country.  

Go here to place bids on awesome items like:

...and my own sweet Sweater Teddies are being auctioned as well:

(to find them, click on "older posts" at the bottom of each page of the auction - 

they're at the bottom of the third page.)

    

   

God bless all who are helping in so many ways to rescue and care for his little ones.